For months, I have been working to complete my office, The Jesus Room. The room has been painted Honorable Blue and some furniture has been purchased and even put in place. The desk is still in the balance and I thought I found the perfect answer this week and brought home a huge piece of glass to put atop two lovely wooden top (metal, vintage looking, and absolutely perfect) file cabinets, to make my desktop.
As soon as The Salesman set the big sheet of glass down on the front porch, we could hear it shatter and then watched and listened as it continued to shatter. It was a new experience, watching the glass, slowly etch and break until there were lines allover the once smooth surface.
Then as soon as every area was crackled, it bowed under the pressure and started to crash to the bricks.
I stood in disbelief. The glass that I thought would make a perfect desktop, was shattered. The completing of this room is taking longer than anticipated. Shards of glass were everywhere. I stood there in disbelief. I had plans for this glass. What was I going to do now?
As I knelt to sweep up the mounds of tiny sparkling broken glass upon the brick, I did think there was beauty in this pile of brokenness. I was not happy about it though.
Then later this evening, I got word about some big plans that had changed... And I marveled at the timing of this glass breaking today. I marveled that I saw something big being broken and then later today, big plans were broken. My heart was hurt. I was sad. In the recesses of my mind, the lines from a song started to play on a loop in my mind:
"Disappointment is my closest friend."
Then, from the beginning of the verse:
"Now once, I was downhearted, (Oh...yes, LORD, I am downhearted now)
And disappointment was my closest friend."
I even Googled the song and sang along to it out-loud to the LORD, so HE would know it was how I felt.
Then the tears flowed as I cried out to the LORD and told HIM how my plans were shattered, demolished, no more. I cried out to HIM that I felt like disappointment was my closest friend. I said it to HIM several times like I was singing the lament myself, till I came to my own version which was:
I am so disappointed.
As soon as I spoke out my own version of the song to HIM, I heard:
"You, are my anointed."
And I said back to HIM (like HE hadn't heard me):
I am so disappointed.
"You are my anointed."
HE brought Scripture to my mind, like Romans 8:28, one of the first verses I put to memory. HE kept encouraging me. He reminded me that I have "a friend that is closer than a brother." HE kept saying all sorts of Truth to my disappointed self. My shattered self.
Could I see beauty in the broken?
Could I move past my hurt, to contentment and my lament, no longer spoken?
Would I live in my despair,
And believe no one cared?
It was a choice,
To listen to HIS voice.
There is beauty in the broken.
The pain real and the lament spoken.
When plans are shattered,
And I think "it" was all that mattered,
HE calls me to see beauty in the broken.
What HE does is not just a token.
HE has purpose in every single thing HE does.
HE tells me that I am HIS beloved.
I choose to believe,
When reality is beyond what I can conceive.
How HE will mend a million pieces,
And stop the disappointment voices till they cease?
HE can bring beauty from each and every broken piece,
When I submit to HIM and my will and way release.
Beauty in the broken.
HE mends hurts so deep, they remain as unspoken.
HE will bring beauty from the broken.
And I thought:
When all appears to shatter -
A hope that really mattered -
Before your eyes, cracks and crumbles -
Do not let it make you stumble.
Not everything remains the same -
When everything within your eyes view,
Is fractured and shattered in two,
Cry out and look up
Because HE will use every little shard,
Even when I feel I've been dealt the wrong card.
The broken, the shattered -
Every little piece matters.
LORD, I see beauty in this broken,
I lift to YOU, my heart, my unspoken
And ask, Please let me see YOUR beauty in my broken.